when we got home last night we were greeted with another couple inches of snow. in november, it's pretty... in december, it's desireable... in january, it's cold... in february, it's annoying... but in march is just plain old!
this whole past week has been SOOOO great for us - 8 straight days with nothing scheduled and no obligations. it has been a wonderful break from the constant pressures of email, texting, facebook, and the phone... truly necessary. spent lots of time reading, sleeping in, and doing little projects around the house. i feel like we're more rested and recharged as we head into another busy season of ministry.
niagara falls
we were able to spend a couple days in niagara falls this past week (why we chose to go there in this "stupid" cold...i'm not sure). we found a really nice italian restaurant for dinner one night, but that was about the extent of our "touristy" sightseeing. we're boring. but... we did head up towards toronto to visit their ikea store. that one made the wife happy.
baby anticipation
shanna is now 30 weeks along with only 10 more to go. we are both getting more and more excited each day for this baby to finally drop by. i'll have to blog more of my thoughts from this amazing journey - but there's some jaw-dropping, unexplainable stuff that happens inside when you feel that little kid kick (shanna probably has a different way to explain it... but i think it's cool). it's still so amazing how God just "makes it all happen". her name is fully picked out, and shanna created some "custom" artwork for her room this week. we'll put pictures up once she's here, but for now you can take a peek at some of it "in progress":
church visit
with being off this week, we decided to check out a different church today - been meaning to check out this place for a while actually and see firsthand the great work they're doing. it was like nothing we had seen before. i'll be writing more about it soon...
simply youth ministry conference
this coming weekend i head out with some of our adult leaders to the simply youth ministry conference in chicago. i went last year and it was probably the best ministry investment i made all year. i'm so excited to be challenged, refreshed, and charged up to love on students better in the months ahead. shanna will be heading to pittsburgh with the dog and one of our students. i love it that the 2 of them will get to connect together a little more than usual.
mariska
speaking of the dog... it may just be the extra attention we've been able to give her this week, but she's been SO well behaved. here's a fun little picture i snapped of her earlier in the week:
So, I made a baby poll! *Notice the sidebar... Just click on that and then enter your best guesses for our little one's birthday, weight, etc! The winner gets ... a year's supply of dirty diapers! oh, wait... that's one of my prizes. Okay - how about a nice round of applause and maybe we'll sneak some fun prize in there if you get really, really close!
After walking that long, devoid road of infertility, we chose a different path. The new path of adoption was still full of unknowns, but perhaps a little less barren. Along the way - I had cried out to God. In the beginning, I had cried and sobbed for a child. For a baby to grow in my body... a child that would have Cory's blue eyes and freckles, maybe with hair the color of mine.
Then, the Comforter worked in my heart. He pried my clenched fingers open in order to release those desires... He didn't need to replace them with a passion to adopt - that was already there. But, I was shoving that desire down, because a biological child was first on my priority list. When it became apparent that no child would be coming from this body, I grieved.
I mourned for what we would never have... for what I would never experience. And yet, there was hope in adoption. We moved slowly through the home study - through loads of paperwork and red tape and meetings and money raising. Crawling along, we worked through emotions and biases. In our hearts grew a knowledge and passion for birthmoms. My heart broke the more I read and watched and observed of birthmothers who place their children with another family. I grieved for them and for me. This journey wasn't all about me and Cory anymore. Our sorrow would be shared with another. Different sorrows, but the same. Yet, ours would be comforted.
Finally, we hit the homestretch. Matched! A mom chose us to raise her little girl. We met and talked and chose names. Baby showers - Check. Diapers stocked - Check. Parenting books read - Check.
And then, 2 pink lines. Four years I had waited for that second pink line. Four years of tears and hope and tests and hormone-crazed cycles and ... Now, when all that is done. When my heart has moved on. When a another woman is counting on us.
But, we were still willing and wanting to bring our baby girl home - to see this adoption through. So, we told the woman, but still hurried to finish the nursery and find a pediatrician and ... The baby came early, September 13th. And the woman held her little girl and her family gathered around. And they decided to parent. And a part of me grieved, while another part rejoiced that this family would be able to stay together.
So, now our adoption plan is on hold. We are busy with doctor appointments and heartburn and kick counts... Only 4 more months until this little girl makes her debut. So while there are still days when emotions run haywire inside my heart... I can look back and see God moving in me. Changing my heart and head. Rooting out judgemental, insensitive beliefs and words. Giving me eyes that truly see people - not their angry words or mean actions - but their hurt and loneliness underneath.
I wouldn't have chosen this path, but I wouldn't trade it. Because of the hurt and fear and loss, I am a different person. I am better and stronger and I look more like Him. And I wouldn't trade it.
So, I have learned about true gratitude. I have learned how to cry out to God for my needs and wants, but to say - If You have a different plan, then I'm thankful for what You are doing. I might not like it all and I might cry and feel pain. But, I know, I'd rather Your plan than mine.
- back on thanksgiving day i blogged a random list of things i'm thankful for, one of which was a furnace that works and heat in our home. i thought i was thankful for that then, but now i REALLY am. since then, a whole new circuit board, pressure switch, and blower motor have been replaced after it stopped working two different times (all covered under warranty). after being without "furnace heat" for the last couple days we're REALLY thankful for it now!
- if you live in the greece area, you really should get your christmas tree from green acres. they should give me a deal next year for advertising for them (to all 3 of you readers out there lol). they are always so friendly, even when you pick the most frigid saturday of the year to pick out your tree. after pointing it out, it's not long and they've already got it tied to the top of the car. they even have a hotdog stand there to satisfy your pregnant craving wife, not that i would know or anything.
- really enjoying the "rediscovering christmas" bible reading plan from You Version. shanna and i decided to read it together this year (although we're a bit behind right now). if you're looking for a new reading plan as the new year rolls around, be sure to check out this site. their plans are different than the usual linear ones, and some are pretty unconventional. and they're starting to really tap into the social networking part of it all that can foster an even better experience.
- there's gotta be few teams in the NFL i detest more than the cowboys, and it was so great to see the 'birds beat em last night! VICKtory!
- speaking of the NFL, did you hear about this jet's coach caught on camera tripping a player as he ran down the sideline? to his credit he did apologize afterwards. i think this is an example of how good leadership sometimes is being humble enough to admit when you're wrong. not sure if the jets will keep this guy, but my guess is that he's the one coach on the squad LEAST likely to make that mistake in the future.
- had our 20 week ultrasound today for the baby. we are super grateful and thankful that the baby is growing and developing well, according to the tech has a "beautiful, beautiful spine", is 11 ounces, and the heart rate is right on target. the whole thing still feels so surreal and miraculous at the same time. oh...and it's a GURRRRLLLLLLLL!!!
