11.18.2010

Acceptable?

WORRY; verb
  1. be worried, concerned, anxious, troubled, or uneasy; I worry about my job;
  2. be concerned with; I worry about my grades;
  3. disturb the peace of mind of; afflict with mental agitation or distress;
  4. be on the mind of; I worry about the second Germanic consonant;
  5. lacerate by biting; the dog worried his bone;
*Definitions by WordNet


I've been thinking a lot about worry lately...  since we've found out about our pregnancy I've been worrying like crazy.  Not that I didn't have worries related to our adoption; I did.  But, there are so many things with this baby that are within my "control" (haha!).  Such as, what foods I eat or don't eat...  if I exercise or not... choosing to deliver naturally vs. all those wonder drugs...  

Then I realized this worrying could potentially NEVER END!!!  In fact - extreme intensification is to be expected.  I'm irreversibly, unconditionally in love with this little human being.  And loving someone means worrying about that person, right?

BUT - the sticking point for me is this: it shouldn't be par for the course!  Worry is sin.  So, why do we laugh it off and pretend that it is okay?  Why is worry an "acceptable" sin.  We tout the evils of drinking - but where in the Bible does it ever say, DO NOT DRINK?  (don't get drunk - yes! Don't drink - hardly.)  And yet, it clearly says, DO NOT WORRY (Matthew 6:31, 34 and Luke 12:22, 21:13) or Do NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING (Philippians 4:6).

Then, I began to wonder what other "acceptable" sins do we have?  How about self-image issues?  For a woman to admit contentment or pleasure regarding her physical appearance seems irreverent and insensitive to all women around her.  Every woman around her feels she's just boastful and arrogant.  And gossip...  don't even get me started about gossip!

Ugh.  The worst part of all of these issues is that I have found them acceptable - even pious at times!  And it has been that way for so long, that the roots of this junk is wound in and around everything inside of me.  There is no yanking it out without pain and awkwardness and even derision.  

And, I'm already worrying about it.  Frustrated that I know I'm going to fail!  (Because, I'm a perfectionist, don't ya know!)  I won't even make it through the rest of today without worrying about something...         

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