life...

...doesn't always turn out the way we expect.  At least that is what I've always heard.  But, I think the truth is that life NEVER turns out the way we expect and most of the time it doesn't turn out the way we were hoping.  Reality check is that life is hard and it hurts.

Growing up, we hear cliches  like, "You can be anything you want to be." or "If you dream it, you can be it".  Or that things aren't important but family is...  Well, what happens when family disappoints?  Or when "family" is a dream that just doesn't happen.  

Or what about all those dreams that are deemed good - and we fight for?  We do the right things our whole life?  We try so hard to do our best (not be the best - just do our best) and we make hard decisions because they'll be worth it later.  Or we do everything in our power to keep peace and balance and we strive with all our heart to make those we love happy.  

...only to find out that life isn't a white picket fence and lazy summer afternoons.  Life is pain and heart-ache.  Life is hunger and sickness.  Life is broken trust and mangled relationships.  

We try to insulate ourselves and avoid any kind of pain, heck even just discomfort.  We bury hurts and try to move on.  We do the best we can, but it just isn't good enough.

Then the darkness comes.  He worms his way in, not content with extrinsic crap. Oh, no - he slinks into our thoughts.  And there we lay in our brokenness, overwhelmed by loneliness and hopelessness...  

"You're the only one." the darkness whispers, "No one else has dealt with this burden.  They wouldn't understand anyways.  This thing - its so disgusting and all-consuming - you're so disgusting and high-maintenance.  You're all alone.  There's no way out..."

All around me is pain.  People in pain.  People hurting because of other people.  People drowning in their sins.  People are drowning because of someone else's sin.  The pervading darkness leaves me gagging.

But - in the middle of this weakness, I realize I am NOT alone.  That YOU are not alone.  What you are feeling and experiencing - someone else has also experienced.  

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lost heart."  ~Hebrews 12:2-3