Today Tina & I and the girls went on an adventure! We went to Target to go clothes & shoe shopping for the girls. Then, we drove the Wendy's drive-through and took our food to the park for a picnic. Then, went home and walked to the little church playground down the road. We were all pooped by the time we got back home.
I learned... to remember our handicapped parking permit, how to fold and unfold a wheel-chair, to not talk with my mouth full, to hold a little girl so she doesn't pee on her pants when peeing outside, to efficiently use the carseat anchors in our car, ...
When I finally got home today, I took a little while to myself and then got ready to leave for ISM tonight. When I got to the car, I opened the door to throw my bag in the backseat. Two carseats with two little smiling dollies greeted me. Closing the door and throwing my bag in the passenger seat instead, I choked back tears and avoided any eye contact with my backseat... Sigh. Infertility catches me unaware and unprepared sometimes. During those moments, emotional pain rips through my heart and leaves me breathless. I know God has a purpose for our infertility and He has a purpose in this job.
Honestly, I know a lot of truths, but I hate the practical outworkings of those truths... the daily grind that wears away at my heart and passion... Ironically, I also know that He's standing there with open arms just waiting for me to run back to Him. But, doing that means I have to trust Him... I have to open my hands and surrender... again.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? Matt 16:24-26