Tired...

I'm tired. This past week has been an emotional one for me... and I'm just tired - from the inside out. Sunday always feels like the end of the week for me, rather than the beginning. A lot of what we do during the week is gearing up and preparing for Sunday.

So - today rolled around and I taught Revolution this morning. We storyboarded Jonah and then discussed it a little. The kids were engaged! Cory and I were really excited and Cory prompty asked me to take next week too. :) After Revolution - we headed straight into our Lead Team meeting. I was there for ISM and for the Multimedia Team. Meredith saved me a seat and told her husband and mine that they had to sit at the guys' table. lol. After that - Cor and I came home in order to prep for Community Groups tonight.

Cory's group (of middle school guys) was here at our apartment. I was a little nervous, especially when Cory started lighting candles! Yes - you read that correctly! Candles and middle school boys! Thankfull, by the time I got home - I couldn't even smell... oops, I mean TELL they had been here.

Heather and I are leading a senior high girls group at one of our girl's house. They have a beautiful house and are so great for opening their home to us. But, its a little hard for me - its not my stomping ground. As a result - I have to work to focus on my girls and stay confident in my role. We're going to study James and I'm pretty excited about it. We've done this material before and I'm interested to see how I've grown since the last time.

This past Saturday was Synergy at church. Its a prayer event that occurs three/four times a year at Lakeshore. Every time i heard about it previously I broke out in a cold sweat! Honestly! I'm not much of a prayer warrior, especially in the last few years. I want to be - I desperately want to be - but I suck at praying for extended period of times... especially in public. The thought of standing in a circle, holding hands with somebody I don't know, and trying to concentrate for an hour and a half made me want to puke.

(as a side-note Synergy was good. It wasn't an hour and a half of the aforementioned prayer circle... as a matter of fact, I didn't hold anyone's hand! And we worshipped through song, personal reflection and prayer, and a short time of corporate, small group prayer... definitely no puke-inducing moments!)

Most of the time when I'm in a prayer circle of adults... I'm spending the time before I pray thinking about what I'll pray so that it won't expose some horrible failure in my spiritual life. And I want to say just the right thing, so that people see I am spiritually mature... Which in turn makes me feel guilty and shows just how spiritually IMMATURE I am. UGH!

I want to pray -passionately and powerfully. I want to be at the point where it doesn't matter who or what around. I want to pray so that it is just me and Him. I want my relationship with Him to be intimate and consumming. But, I fall so short so often. I know where I want to be... I've even been there before... I wish I could just get myself out of the way and focus wholly on Him.

All this has been rolling around in my head... along with all the job/pride/discouragement crud... and the infertility reality slamming into me again this week... and don't forget the daily grind... and all of this leaves me... tired.

just push play

listened to louie giglio's message "song of the redeemed" this morning - his 2nd message in the soundtrack series. VERY challenging to me...

psalms

i learned this morning that i'm not thankful enough for the book of psalms. today it seems especially encouraging and reminds me how deep and wide His Word takes me when i allow it.

You are my refuge…so I will run to you for protection.
You are my strength…so I will give to you my weakness.
You are my rock and fortress…so I will let you lead and guide me.
You declare your glory from the skies…so I will declare it from my life.
You are my deliverer…so I will not be afraid.
You are my shield…so I will hide behind you.
You are my stronghold…so I will hide in you.
You are my support…so I will rest and relax in you.

dodgeball league?

so i came across an ad today from hotshots - a facility in rochester that has a ton of beach volleyball courts, basketball courts, etc. it caught my eye because last spring we took a group of students from lakeshore there for a sunday afternoon and had a blast. anyways, they are starting up a dodgeball league...and i was thinking...how cool would it be to join that?!?!? we used to play dodgeball every wednesday night with the middle schoolers at 2nd, and i always felt a little guilty flinging the ball at an 11 year old girl (but i had to...i couldn't resist). how amazing to be able to compete with people my own age!

then i got thinking about 'the creature from another planet' - a new series on parenting that we're doing at lakeshore this fall. (every fall and spring the church puts on a dynamic series aimed to meet the needs of people outside the church, pulling tons of resources into it, creative stage design, thousands and thousands of mailers sent out, etc.). we've got about 15 flyers sitting in our apartment...and it's been really troubling because we don't know anyone to give them to. we plan to give them to the 3 couples in our side of the building...but 2 of the 3 are old...er...and the other i don't think even has kids. add to that a an extremely profound conversation i had with a friend a few months ago on a changing trend within our culture - evidenced within the fact that "our neighbor" may no longer actually be literally the ones we live next to as much as those we regularly hang out with socially (at the YMCA, at work, at the MOPS groups, etc.).

we don't work out at the Y, shanna isn't part of MOPS yet, and the people that i work with are...christians...and they already go to my church...

hmmm...a dodgeball league is sounding more and more interesting all the time! i'm not sure i'd even be able to get on a team, or if a team would even be desperate enough to take a guy they've never met. it'd be another night out, and do i really have time...i mean after all, we're leading small groups and ministry teams on sunday nights, we'll be joining an adult small group on another night, we have youth group every thursday night, and we try to have people over at least one night a week. am i too busy...or is that just an excuse? don't know...but i'm thinking about it...

"Shocking Sarah"

I'm so frustrated with all the hype around Sarah Palin! Or rather the lack of focus on her and the excessive focus on her pregnant 17 yo daughter. Just a reminder - we have public schools handing out birth-control pills to our girls and condoms to our guys. Bristol is 17 - she is making her own choices and living with those consequences. Every last one of us is living with the consequences of our 17 yo choices. Think about it... As a senior in high school - we're all trying our wings, learning to be our own person. So, she made a stupid choice and got "caught."

Let's talk about all the teen-agers making the choice to have pre-marital sex! According to The Guttmacher Institute, 75% of people in the US have sex before they turn 20 yo. While just under 33% of teen girls become pregnant. We all know that statistics can be twisted and say whatever you want! So, as a youth leader... as a pastor's wife... as someone that went through high school in the late 90's... as someone that interacts regularly with todays teens... THEY ARE HAVING SEX!

Bristol's sex life has been opened wide to the world - because she became pregnant. So - for all those people out there freaking out about Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter - get off your high horse! If you didn't have premarital sex, your kids probably have! And if they didn't - your grandkids probably will!

Or maybe all this isn't about premarital sex... maybe its that Sarah didn't force her daughter to have an abortion in order to "hide their shame." Frankly, there are so many parents/children dealing with this issue right now - that if anyone could empathize - it is Sarah Palin.

I'm so fired up right now! Let me try to calm down a little and clarify a few things. I believe pre-marital sex is wrong. But, I also believe that WE ALL make sinful, stupid choices that land us in a heap of crappy consequences. I believe that Sarah Palin and her family have taken the high road, by supporting their daughter. I believe they have taken the high road by being tranparent and honest with the American people. And frankly - that is what I want in office! Someone who is transparent and honest!

Time will tell if this transparency-trend continues... I'm praying it does.